When the Overwhelming Love Doesn’t Come Right Away: A Raw Look at Post-Birth Feelings

With one final grunting push, my baby arrives, crying and flailing, and is gently placed into my arms. Tears stream down my face—not from joy, but from sheer exhaustion and relief that it’s finally over. I glance at the slimy, writhing alien-like creature on my chest and feel an unexpected pang: Can someone please take her back?

This wasn’t how I imagined it.

I had envisioned that Hollywood moment—the euphoric rush of love, the tears of joy, the magical instant where I’d meet my baby and feel my entire world transform. Instead, my labour was long and grueling, marked by a cocktail of drugs, tense whispers about “fetal distress,” and the chatter of a caesarean section.

When my daughter was finally born, all I felt was numb.

Becoming a parent is heralded as a life-changing event, and it truly is. But what no one prepares you for is the emotional whirlwind—or lack thereof—that can come with it. One day, you’re child-free, and the next, you have a baby whose existence will alter your life forever. No matter how many books you read, how much advice you gather, or how perfectly you decorate the nursery, nothing can fully prepare you for the seismic shift of actually having a baby.

And sometimes, that shift feels more like a slow, grinding gear change than a magical moment.

Why Love at First Sight Isn’t Always the Case

Babies are brand new to this world, and so are you as their parent. It’s a relationship that takes time to grow. You’re handed this tiny, fragile being—a screaming bundle of needs—and suddenly, you’re expected to feel an all-encompassing love. But let’s be honest: in those early days, babies don’t exactly do much to win you over.

They cry, eat, poop, and sleep (on good days). They drain your energy, your time, and your bank account. They’re vulnerable, demanding, and relentless. And while they might occasionally flash a gassy smile or coo adorably, most of the time, they’re just tiny, high-maintenance blobs.

It’s no wonder that some parents feel underwhelmed, even disappointed, in those first moments, days, or weeks.

The Pressure of Expectations

We’re bombarded with romanticised images of parenthood—the mother gazing adoringly at her newborn, the father beaming with pride. Social media and movies perpetuate this idea that the moment you meet your baby, you’re supposed to feel a profound, unshakable bond.

But for many of us, reality looks very different. The truth is, that labour and birth can be traumatic. Exhaustion, pain, and hormones can cloud your emotions. Instead of love, you might feel relief, fear, or even resentment. And that’s okay.

Not feeling an instant connection doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It doesn’t mean you won’t grow to love your child fiercely. It simply means you’re human.

The Gradual Bond

Love often grows slowly, like a plant that needs time and care to bloom. In those early days, your connection with your baby might be more about survival than affection. You’re learning their cues, figuring out how to soothe them, and adjusting to a new and demanding role.

Over time, as your baby starts to show more personality—those first real smiles, the way they grip your finger, the sounds they make when they’re content—that bond will strengthen.

And one day, you’ll look at your child and realise that love has quietly, steadily taken root.

What to Do When the Bond Feels Elusive

If you’re struggling to connect with your baby, know that you’re not alone. Here are some tips to help nurture that bond:

1. Give yourself grace: It’s okay to not feel “in love” right away. The early days are hard, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed.

2. Focus on small moments: Cuddle during feedings, talk to your baby, or simply watch them sleep. These little interactions build connections over time.

3. Ask for help: Whether it’s from a partner, friend, or professional, support can make a world of difference.

4. Talk about it: Sharing your feelings with others can be incredibly freeing. You might be surprised at how many parents have felt the same way.

5. Seek professional support if needed: If feelings of detachment persist, reach out to a healthcare provider or counselor. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common and treatable.

A Love That Grows

Parenthood isn’t always what we expect, and that’s okay. Love doesn’t always arrive in a single, dramatic moment. Sometimes, it builds slowly, quietly, and beautifully over time.

If you didn’t feel an instant connection when your baby was placed in your arms, you’re not alone. It doesn’t make you any less of a parent. What matters is showing up, day after day, and letting that love grow in its own way and time.

Eventually, you’ll look back on these early days and see how far you’ve come—from that first surreal moment in the delivery room to the deep, unwavering bond you’ve built.