What Does Your Newborn Actually Need From You?

Before your baby arrives, it's very easy to feel as though there is an enormous amount you need to know.

How will I know when they're hungry? How much should they sleep? How will I know why they're crying? Can I hold them too much? Am I supposed to have a routine?

Then you walk into a baby shop or spend ten minutes scrolling online and discover another hundred things you're apparently going to need.

It can make bringing home a newborn feel far more complicated than it needs to be.

Because underneath all the advice, equipment, apps, routines and opinions, newborn babies actually have fairly simple needs.

That doesn't mean looking after one always feels simple. It absolutely doesn't.

But knowing what your baby really needs can take some of the pressure off having to get everything "right".

Your newborn needs to feel safe

Think about where your baby has spent the past nine months.

Warm. Dark. Contained. Constantly moving with you. Surrounded by the sounds of your body and never having experienced hunger, cold or being alone.

Then suddenly they're out here.

There are bright lights, noises, clothes, nappies, temperature changes, hunger and periods when they're no longer surrounded by your body.

It's hardly surprising that many newborn babies want to be held. A lot.

Your warmth, smell, voice and touch are familiar to them.

Being close to you isn't a bad habit they're learning. In those early weeks, closeness helps your baby adjust to an entirely new world.

Your newborn needs to feed frequently

Newborn babies have small stomachs and need to feed regularly.

Sometimes very regularly.

There may be times when it feels as though your baby has only just finished feeding and they're ready to start again.

Rather than relying only on the clock, start watching your baby.

Early feeding cues can include stirring, becoming more active, turning their head, opening their mouth or bringing their hands towards their face.

Crying is usually a later hunger cue.

One of the things you'll gradually become very good at is recognising your baby's cues.

You don't have to know them all immediately.

You've only just met each other.

Your newborn needs help to regulate

Newborn babies aren't particularly good at regulating themselves yet.

They rely heavily on the adults caring for them to help.

That can mean helping them stay warm, calming them when they're overwhelmed, supporting them to settle or simply holding them when everything has become a bit much.

This is why simple things can be incredibly powerful:

• Skin-to-skin contact

• Cuddling

• Rocking and gentle movement

• Your voice

• Feeding

• Being held close

You're not simply comforting your baby.

You're helping their developing nervous system manage something they can't yet manage on their own.

Your newborn needs lots of sleep, but perhaps not how you're imagining it

Newborn sleep can come as quite a surprise.

Babies don't arrive knowing that nighttime is for long stretches of sleep and daytime is when the rest of the household would quite like to be awake.

Their sleep is spread across the day and night.

Some sleeps may be surprisingly long. Others may feel ridiculously short.

And you may discover that your baby can sleep beautifully curled against you, only to open their eyes the second you carefully place them down.

Frustrating? Absolutely.

Unusual? Not at all.

Newborn sleep is very different from adult sleep, and it will change enormously as your baby develops.

In these early weeks, they're only just beginning to work it all out.

Your newborn needs you to respond

You may hear people talk about creating bad habits, spoiling babies or making them too dependent on you.

But a newborn isn't manipulating you.

They're communicating.

Crying is one of the very few tools your baby has to tell you something isn't right.

Sometimes you'll know exactly what they need.

Other times you'll feed them, change them, burp them, cuddle them, walk around the house and still have absolutely no idea why they're unhappy.

Welcome to one of the great mysteries of having a baby.

Responding to your baby doesn't mean you'll always be able to stop them crying.

Sometimes your job is simply to be there with them while they're having a hard time.

Your newborn needs interaction, not constant entertainment

You really don't need to fill every waking minute with developmental activities.

To your newborn, you are incredibly interesting.

Your face.

Your voice.

The way you move.

The different expressions you make.

Being carried around while you move through your day exposes your baby to different sounds, sights, movement and experiences.

Talking to them, making eye contact, singing, cuddling, gentle touch and giving them opportunities to move are all wonderful forms of early interaction.

You don't need to make it complicated.

Your newborn needs safe care, not perfect care

This one is important.

You're going to make mistakes.

You'll put a nappy on backwards.

You'll finally get your baby to sleep and then sneeze.

You'll misread a cue.

You'll spend ages trying to settle them before realising they're hungry again.

You'll discover halfway through changing a particularly impressive nappy that the wipes are nowhere near you.

You'll probably Google something completely ridiculous at 3am.

None of this means you're doing a bad job.

You're learning.

You're getting to know someone you've only just met, and your baby is getting to know you too.

That relationship isn't built in a day.

So, what does your newborn actually need?

Probably much less than all those advertisements would have you believe.

Your baby needs to be:

• Fed

• Warm

• Safe

• Responded to

• Comforted

• Held

• Talked to

• Given opportunities to sleep

• Given time to adjust to their new world

And perhaps most importantly, they need you to give yourself some time too.

You don't have to understand every cry immediately.

You don't need a perfect routine.

You don't need every gadget.

And you certainly don't need to have read every parenting book before your baby arrives.

There will be moments when you feel like you've got it sorted, followed approximately five minutes later by your baby doing something completely different.

That's okay.

Babies grow. Their needs change. And so will you.

After more than 20 years of working with new and expectant parents, one of the things I wish I could take away is the pressure people put on themselves to somehow know how to do all of this immediately.

You won't.

And you don't need to.

You and your baby will learn each other as you go.

Want to feel more prepared before baby arrives?

My antenatal classes don't stop at labour and birth. We also spend time preparing for those first days and weeks with your baby, including newborn behaviour, feeding, sleep, settling, practical baby care and what life after birth can really look like.

Find out more about Bellies to Babies antenatal classes