But, what kind of father do you want to be?

Many expectant dads often wonder how to be a good father.

As I see things you have two choices: would you be like your father? Or are you going to try to be different?

This week's article is dedicated to my Dad who passed away suddenly (2022). While talking with the funeral celebrant and making the arrangements alongside my Sister, I had time to reflect on what sort of father he was. He was devoted to helping his community (this was reflected by a large number of committees he was part of), had a strong work ethic and always knew where you stood. I know he saw his role as a 'provider' for our family - something he had learned and taken on board from his father.

He would quite often ring or text to tell me 'great article this week, I'm proud of you", I was chuffed he took the time to read them each week.

Some men have a good sense of what a good dad should be by watching their fathers. Other men are trying to break a pattern of bad fathering, whether it be an addiction, anger, or complete absence.

Studies have shown that a father’s (or father figure's) involvement in the child’s upbringing can influence their overall development. Indeed, a dad who is more involved in their children’s day-to-day activities helps bring positive changes that shape their child’s life. When you share responsibilities with your partner and contribute to your child’s growth, education, and well-being, it shows your level of concern and commitment towards your children and family.

But what kind of father do you want to be to your kids? Are you going to be able to show them that men can be emotional? That men don’t have all the answers all the time and they can’t fix everything? Are you willing to have a 'tea party' with your daughter, put bows in her hair and show her how to change spark plugs? And, will you show your son how to clean the house and make sense of the ever-increasing cost of living while keeping within budget and cooking wholesome meals?

Today, many dads are celebrated for being sensitive, caring and hands-on. A growing body of research is transforming our understanding of how they can shape their children’s lives from the start, challenging conventional ideas of parenthood and gender. This is a dramatic shift in role from what they observed their fathers doing.

A range of recent studies shows how flexible parenting roles can be. Psychologist Ruth Feldman of Israel’s Bar-Ilan University has found that, just like mothers, fathers experience a hormonal boost when caring for their babies, which helps the bonding process. When dads are the main caregivers, their brains adapt to the task.

And emotional involvement matters. Babies with emotionally engaged dads show better mental development as toddlers and are less likely to have behavioural problems later on, compared to babies whose dads behave in a more detached way. Older children benefit, too. Those whose fathers, or father figures, are more emotionally supportive, tend to be more satisfied with life and have better relationships with teachers and other children.

There are fathers’ playgroups, dads-only baby massage classes and hugely popular online videos of dad-and-baby dance ensembles - who knows, maybe you and your little one could an online 'how to' videos and gain a huge following!