4th Trimester Realities: How to Manage the Rollercoaster

The first few weeks after your baby arrives can feel like a whirlwind. You’re juggling doctor’s visits, baby weigh-ins, cards and presents, an influx of visitors, late-night nappy changes, and the inevitable struggle of trying to get those tiny onesie poppers done up at 3 a.m! Meanwhile, you’re still in the thick of recovery from birth, trying to take care of yourself while your partner is home, offering help with meals, shopping, and chores. For those first couple of weeks, society almost gives us a break, letting us soak in the joy of having a new baby.

But by week three, things start to shift. Partners go back to work, and while you’ve mentally prepared for the change, it doesn’t make the transition any easier. Suddenly, you feel like you should be able to handle everything on your own, but the reality is, you’re still adjusting to this massive life change. The hormone drop that happens after birth can leave you feeling emotionally fragile, tired, and a bit out of sync with your usual self. You might be feeling weepy, overwhelmed, or even frustrated with the constant demands of a newborn. And that’s okay. It’s completely normal.

At this point, you may try to take on more at night, so your partner can sleep, and that’s when the pressure starts to mount. The guilt of asking for help or taking breaks can creep in, and you’re faced with a new set of challenges, like figuring out what to do when your baby is more alert and looking for more stimulation. They’re awake, curious, and needy, yet still craving that comfort only breastfeeding can provide.

It’s normal for babies to want to feed constantly and be held for reassurance. It’s also totally normal for you to feel exhausted and overwhelmed at this stage, especially when your baby doesn’t want to be put down and seems unsettled at night. But trust me, you’re doing all the right things. You’re giving them exactly what they need. Don’t let the pressure of feeling like you “should” have it all figured out make you feel like you’re not doing enough. This phase is hard, but it’s also temporary.

How Others Can Help

It’s important to let people support you in this phase. You don’t have to do everything alone. Here’s a list of ways others can help you during this time:

• Offer emotional support: Check in with you regularly, offer a listening ear, and simply be there for you. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares and is ready to listen can make all the difference.

• Help with meals: Whether it’s preparing a meal for you, ordering takeout, or cooking in bulk to freeze for later, meals can be a huge help when you're sleep-deprived and busy with baby care.

• Assist with household chores: Laundry, vacuuming, or tidying up might not seem like much, but they can be overwhelming when you’re in the thick of caring for a newborn. If someone can pitch in with these tasks, it gives you more time to rest or bond with your baby.

• Watch the baby while you rest: Whether it’s taking the baby for a walk or holding them while you catch a nap, this can help ease some of the exhaustion you’re feeling.

• Take care of older siblings: If you have other children, getting help with their daily routines and activities can give you space to focus on your newborn.

The Mum Huddle NZ: Your New Online Weekly Support Group

One fantastic resource for new mums is the Mum Huddle NZ—an online, weekly support group created specifically to provide a space for new mothers to share experiences, gain support, and ask questions. Whether you’re struggling with breastfeeding, wondering if something is normal, or just need a safe space to vent, Mum Huddle NZ offers a supportive community where you’re not alone.

By joining this group, you can:

• Share your experiences with other mums going through similar challenges.

• Access professional advice on breastfeeding, sleep, and newborn care.

• Get emotional support from others who understand exactly what you’re going through.

• Benefit from resources and tips on how to navigate the early days of motherhood, including coping with the hormone drop.

It's a safe space where you can talk about your highs, your lows, and everything in between. Being part of this community can help you feel more connected, supported, and understood during this challenging but beautiful time.

How You Can Ask Your Partner and Family to Help

If you’re feeling like things are becoming overwhelming, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Here are some practical ways you can ask your partner or family members to assist:

• Ask for more nighttime support: If your partner is working during the day, they can still help at night. A simple request like, “Can you take the 1 a.m. feed?” or “Can you hold the baby for 30 minutes so I can have a nap?” can give you much-needed rest.

• Request help with baby care: If you’re struggling with nappy changes, soothing, or settling the baby, ask your partner or family members to pitch in. This might also include helping with bath time or dressing the baby.

• Share household responsibilities: The dishes, laundry, or grocery shopping might feel like a never-ending task. Ask your partner or family to take on specific chores so you can focus on your recovery and bonding with your baby.

• Ask for emotional support: If you’re feeling emotional or overwhelmed, let your partner know that you need some extra reassurance. A simple “I need a hug” or “Can we talk about how I’m feeling?” can go a long way in lifting your spirits.

Understanding the Hormone Drop

It’s also important to acknowledge the hormone drop that happens after giving birth. Your body is going through a massive shift, and those early weeks can leave you feeling physically and emotionally depleted. The sudden drop in hormones, particularly estrogen and progesterone, can contribute to feelings of sadness, anxiety, or irritability. This is sometimes referred to as the “baby blues,” and while it can feel unsettling, it’s a normal part of the post-birth experience.

Recognising that this is a biological process can help you be kind to yourself as you ride through the emotional ups and downs. If you’re still feeling extremely down or unable to cope after a few weeks, it’s important to reach out to a healthcare professional, as this could be a sign of postpartum depression.

You’re Doing Great

The first few months after giving birth are tough, and it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough or that things should be falling into place by now. The truth is, it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, especially in the weeks leading up to and after the 3-8 week mark. Most parents feel like they’re struggling at this stage. The good news? It does get easier.

So, snuggle up, feed when they need it, and trust that your body and your baby know what they’re doing. If it feels tough, reach out for support—whether that’s breastfeeding help, advice on soothing techniques, or simply someone to talk to. Cut yourself some slack—you are doing a phenomenal job, even when it doesn’t feel that way. This phase is rough, but it does get better. I promise. You've got this!

If you’re feeling lost or need extra support, join the Mum Huddle NZ and tap into a community of amazing mums just like you. You are not alone in this journey.

Reach out, ask for help, and trust that you’re doing wonderfully.