Things You Really Don’t Want to Hear (or See) From Your Partner During Labour and Birth

Giving birth can be a stressful process, largely for the person giving birth, but also for the partner standing beside her. For many couples, even the most well-laid birth plans fall to the wayside as situations possibly change and shift. Dads don’t always say and do the right things—especially when their partner is in the delivery room, about to give birth.

So Dad, if you’re expecting, here's a list of what NOT to do!

Do NOT Fall Asleep!

Yes, labour can take hours (or even days), and yes, it’s exhausting for everyone involved. But if your partner is powering through waves of intense contractions, the least you can do is stay awake. That energy drink or extra-large coffee isn’t for her—it’s for you. She needs your encouragement, not the sound of snoring.

Don’t Overuse Your Phone

If you’re scrolling through memes or checking sports scores while your partner is deep in the trenches of labour, you’re officially in the danger zone. Keep your phone out of sight unless you’re snapping a pre-approved quick photo or updating family as agreed beforehand. Labour is a team effort, and she’s the captain. Don’t be the distracted benchwarmer.

Don’t Complain About Anything—Ever

No one wants to hear about your sore feet, aching back, or the fact that the hospital chair isn’t as comfortable as you’d hoped. Your partner is doing the hardest work of her life, and she’s definitely not interested in your discomfort. Bonus points if you don’t even look uncomfortable—fake it if you must!

Avoid Unsolicited Medical Commentary

Unless you’ve recently become an obstetrician, now is not the time to share your newfound wisdom from Google. Stick to being supportive, and if you’re confused about what’s happening, need clarification about something, discuss options or need more information, ask your LMC calmly after your partner gets through a contraction.

Do Not Say “You’re Overreacting”

If these words even enter your mind, banish them immediately. Labour is unpredictable, intense, and painful. Your partner is allowed to feel however she needs to feel. Offering reassurance is great, but never invalidate her experience.

No “Play-by-Play Commentary”

Labour is not a sports event. Your partner doesn’t need to hear things like, “Wow, that contraction lasted forever!” or “You’re doing great, but let’s pick up the pace!” Keep the running commentary to yourself unless it’s pure encouragement.

Skip the Unnecessary Jokes

While humour might be your go-to in tense situations, labour is not the time for stand-up comedy. Be sensitive to the moment. If she’s not laughing, it’s probably not funny.

Don’t Assume You Can Eat Whatever You Want

It might not seem like a big deal, but chowing down on a burger and fries while your partner is running on ice chips and adrenaline can feel like a cruel taunt. Be discreet with your snacks, or better yet, save your appetite for after the baby arrives.

No Surprise Selfies or Unflattering Photos

Want to document the experience? Discuss this ahead of time. Labour is raw and real, and not everyone wants their mid-contraction face shared on social media. Keep the camera focused on the baby (once born) and only snap a picture of your partner if you have explicit permission.

Don’t Say “You’re Doing It Wrong”

There’s no “right” way to have a baby. Whether she’s using a birth comb, breathing techniques, or screaming through every contraction, your job is to support her choices—not critique them.

Avoid Saying, “This Is So Cool”

Labour and delivery are incredible, but describing the process as “cool” or “wild” might not hit the right tone. Focus your words on her strength and the baby’s arrival, not your fascination with what’s happening - there will be time to share this afterwards.

Don’t Be a Backseat Birth Coach

Unless you’ve been specifically asked to guide breathing or offer tips, leave the coaching to the professionals. Your main role is to be her cheerleader, not her trainer.

Labour and birth are transformative experiences, and the best thing you can do as a partner is to show up, stay present, and follow her lead. This is her moment, and your support can make all the difference. So take a deep breath, keep the focus on her, and remember—she’ll thank you later (but probably not during labour).